Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Painted ponies

Richard and I grew up within the same community in Southern California – although we didn’t meet until I was 18 – so we did similar things and went to similar places for amusement and fun.

One of those places was the Long Beach Pike, an amusement area on the ocean. It had arcades and a side show, and various rides. It was already old in the 1950s when we went there.

Probably the most popular ride, at least for some people, was the Cyclone Racer, a wooden roller coaster with dual tracks (two trains could run at the same time). It was loud and shook and at one time it was the largest and fastest roller coaster in the country. I rode it once and never rode it again. Richard had the same experience – he rode it once and that was enough for him.

I preferred the tamer rides. The ones I enjoyed the most were a circular ride where you stood against a wall and it began to spin, then the floor dropped away and you were left stuck on the wall, and the Ferris wheel, but my very favorite was the carousel.
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
And yes, the seasons—and the anniversaries that come with them—do indeed go round and round and round. Anniversaries of weddings, of birth days, and of death days.

And today is one of those anniversaries. Our son died 5 years ago today.

The singer Ellis writes about how she felt when she remembered that a certain day was her dead Granny’s birthday: 
...I didn't try to be happier (like I often do). Instead, I was honest with the moment of disappointment and grief. And then, I felt a quieter version of happiness. Tender joy.
So I am trying to practice this today. 
There is nothing that can equal the treasure of so many shared memories
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
 And here are a couple of the treasures in my memory of our son with my Mom and Dad...


 that have indeed brought tender joy.

5 comments:

Linda Kay said...

God bless you for your loss must be overwhelming.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Five years. You have some good memories and photos that make you smile...tender joy for sure. How is Nathaniel's tree doing? I thought at the time it is a wonderful thing to do in someones memory:)

Leilani Lee said...

Nathaniel's tree is doing great. I was upset at the parks department because in late fall, they decided to prune the trees themselves and I thought it was a little late in the season to be doing that, but it was a done deal. They took off a couple of the lowest branches that I had left. I worry that the wounds they created might not heal before winter set in but it looks ok now. We'll have to see what Spring brings.

Henny Penny said...

I'm sure you never get over losing a child, not matter at what age. I am so sorry. He was a beautiful child.

Cathy said...

FsoF came out with the very same words I did. 'Five years'. Is it really that long. He was the light of your lives and you must miss him terribly. Love from me to you.