“Pie, pie, me oh my! Nothing tastes sweet, wet, salty and dry, all at
once, so well as pie. Apple! Pumpkin! Minced an’ wet bottom! I’ll come
to your place every day if you’ve got ’em! Pie, me oh my, I love pie!”
Sung by Andie McDowell, Michael
I have made two pie crusts that were perfect. The first time
was in 1989.
A friend had raised a couple of pigs. We bought one, and
they hauled the pigs to the meat processor. A week or so later, we picked up the
wrapped meat and brought it home, including the head and all of the fat.
I found some instructions for making head cheese. It was
quite good. And then I rendered the fat. After a couple of days of bubbling fat in the pots, I had
all of this creamy white lard, and I decided to use some of it to make soap.
The soap was not entirely successful. Although I thought I was following the
directions, I failed to do something right. Some of the cakes of soap
retained bubbles of liquid lye, which caused some excitement during the
shower.
By then we had made the decision to stop using
hydrogenated vegetable oil (shortening) to cook with, and so any pie crust I
made was either with oil (which was usually a disaster) or I just bought it
ready made from the store. Of course, the store-bought crust was made with hydrogenated vegetable
oil, but at least I didn’t have to invest in a can of shortening that I might use once a year.
Thanksgiving was approaching and it was time
to make the annual pie. I had all of this lard and I thought, oh what the heck, it’s not going to kill
us....
So I used the homemade lard to make the pie crust. I was stunned at
how wonderful that crust was. But, I never used lard again....
until 2009. Once again, Thanksgiving was approaching. We weren’t going to have pie
at all – just “pumpkin custard,” but then at the last minute, we changed our
minds, and so I used some of the lard I had bought to make “suet cakes” for the
birds.
And so the second time one of my homemade pie crusts came
out perfect. The temptation to use the lard the next time a pie was requested was almost overwhelming, and it is probably a good thing we don’t have pie very often.
But then we discovered Mrs. Smith’s pies. By the time I
figured in the cost of the ready made pie crust and the cost of the fruit—pear
pie is my favorite, with apple and pumpkin in a dead heat for second, and grape pie coming in third—and the
time spent peeling fruit, slicing it up, etc. I decided Mrs. Smith’s pies are a
good buy when they are on sale at $4.99.
And best of all, they use REAL APPLES, which prompts
the question: What would they use if they didn’t use real ones? Ritz crackers
and apple-cider vinegar?
